Vindicated (Hidden Journal Pt 9)

Note This is 9th of 10 private posts which I have decided to make public in the hope someone somewhere may find help and comfort from them. I am not a medical practitioner. Always seek professional advice before doing anything that will impact your health or mental wellbeing.

Written on 6th Feb 2019

So, it’s almost 6 months since my Orchiectomy and I thought I’d better say something on how things are going. 

I am pleased to state the operation went without a hitch, but the results were, as I believed they would be, far more important than my surgeon had initially envisioned. 

Yes, folks, I felt vindicated as things were grimmer in the testicle area than the doctor had believed. They both were covered in small tumours which were  ’ticking time bombs. The surgeon has now changed his tune and considered that it was probably a good step having them removed, he also removed a three inch ‘fatty’ lump in my right groin area as well. 

I will give the surgeon his due, he did a very neat job. I had a dull ache for about a week, plus the expected swelling etc, but it was far less than I had thought and after the first night I didn’t even bother with pain killers. 

Maybe it was just my imagination or wishful thinking, but it didn’t take long to feel different. Not in some ‘TV makeover’ kind of way, but more like the jagged edges of my personality and ‘feelings/emotions’ had been rounded off. 

This feeling was simply the peace of the eunuch and not the calming balm of the oestrogen, as we discovered some weeks into using the patches that they were not working for me. The patches seemed to stick on everything but my skin, thus the oestrogen was not being absorbed effectively.  

The patches were replaced and I am on the more typical and labour intensive gel, which you apply onto certain areas of your body and then leave to dry for about five minutes before putting your clothes back on. 

Let me introduce you to my little friends

Each push of the pump gives you a measured dose and I was prescribed 4 pump-pushes. The gel is clear and has a rather neutral smell, however my wife says she can smell it from a mile off lol. 

It goes without saying that the feminine hormone will now have free reign over my body. Something which is not always the case in other transgender women as the testosterone blockers are not always effective. 

I know it is not easy to persuade a surgeon to perform a bilateral orchiectomy as there is no returning back from it. But it was the right decision for me, as I said before I am just trying to avoid as many toxins in my body as I can. 

As of writing, I am already getting tenderness in the breasts and crying is becoming a thing,  a really ‘big’ thing. Thankfully,  I find a good cry rather cathartic.  I wonder how many male heart-attacks could be avoided each year if they could just let out their emotions?

So far I see no downsides to my orchiectomy, and because what was discovered it could be argued that it saved my life in more ways than one.