Meeting Surgeon (Hidden Journal Pt.7)

Note This is 7th of 10 private posts which I have decided to make public in the hope someone somewhere may find help and comfort from them. I am not a medical practitioner. Always seek professional advice before doing anything that will impact your health or mental wellbeing.

Written on 26th June 2018

Yesterday I went to see the surgeon about my Orchiectomy. Yes things really do move this fast when you paying for the service. 

We drove to Edinburgh during the rush hour, which I must confess got me in a bad mood. Alas my mood did not improve when I met the surgeon.  His persona was so much less than I had even been told. 

He barely looked up at me, just kept drawing diagrams on how he might best perform the surgery. He seemed very reluctant to perform the operation until I gave him the mental assessment, and even then he seemed unconvinced. 

I informed him, putting the trans thing to one side, that I have had pain in that area all my life. Just over five years ago I had a cancer scare when calcium deposits where initially thought to be tumours and even at that point the consultants offered up a full testicle removal to stop the pain.  He reacted little to this information. 

Now I was getting quite grumpy. Everyone else had been so nice up-to now, I thought and hoped that my wishes would go unchallenged. 

I decided to have a go at flattery and a little dig… ‘I was told by my doctor that you are very good at what you do, but you don’t have a sense of humour?’ 

He actually stopped writing, then looking up giving his best attempt at a smile said… ‘of course I don’t have a sense of humour, I am German’. The permafrost was broken.

I then gave him the option of not performing the operation and looking elsewhere. I didn’t want to feel beholden to him or make him feel uncomfortable. He made it clear, after fully reading my notes, that he would perform the operation but he would not have done so without the psychiatric assessment. 

Maybe I misread what he was trying to say, but it didn’t seem he was that convinced about the positives of this operation for me. But then again he hadn’t lived in my body and mind for the past 5 decades.  

I am usually very good at reading people, but this guy was like an iron fortress. The surgery would be on July 6th and that was that. 

I wasn’t happy about the way the appointment was conducted, but my wife told me to suck it up ….

‘You are getting what you want aren’t you? he seems to know what he’s talking about and wants to make sure he leaves you as scar free as possible.’ …

I was unconvinced…. Drawing testicle extraction diagrams on pieces of scrap paper seemed kind of weird. Surely he knew where they are and how to do this operation. 😂 

Again my wife, the ever present voice of reason, said maybe he was shy and doodles why he is thinking or maybe he is just trying to see how to best perform the surgery without cutting you up. 

That point did resonate with me as I had seen some very ugly pictures of scarring on the web. Such is my nature I reevaluated the appointment from all possible angles all night long and couldn’t make any angle sit well with me. 

Oh well, I must get my head ready for the operation in 10 days time.